Me

Me

What do you actually do?

She asks, eyes already full of disappointment

Because she knows I’m not like her

I’m not climbing a corporate ladder

I’m not hoarding wealth

I’m not counting my designer shoes

I’m not parading my success

I’m not worried about what the neighbours think

No, I’m not like her

I’m wrong and it saddens her

Pity rolls from her and I can’t give her an answer that will satisfy her

So I brush off the question

I do everything and nothing

She’s accustomed to my diversions

She wants to settle this

She wants to set me on the right path

She wants to fix me

She asks again

What do you actually do?

And so I answer in a way she can’t understand

I answer with the truth

I tell her what I actually do

I feel the pulse of the earth beneath my bare feet

I listen to the whispers of the wind

I talk to the beetles and the bees

I embrace the trees

I spend time living in stories

I feel the energy of whoever I meet

I cry and I laugh and I sing and I walk

I weave magic and I cast spells

I gaze at flames and ripples in water

I read and I write

I explore the world with all of my senses

And I feel it all more deeply than you can imagine

I sit for hours letting my mind roam

Giving it freedom to go where it will

I give thanks for my body

I rejoice in love and in loss

I pray to old gods and new

I long for things you don’t even know exist

That’s what I actually do

And there it is

Behind the disappointment in her eyes I see it

Fear